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SHE

She was weird. She pretended to be a tigress, but she had a heart of a fluffy little kitten. She was just adorable, too sweet for this world. And she knew this. She learnt it the hard way. She was too nice to too many people who took advantage of her soft heart and caring soul. She was angry. She was frustrated. But she still could not change that beautiful heart. It was still too pure. And people kept on playing with her emotions. So to save herself, she faked to be extra strong, emotionless, and just savage. It made her sound rude to people. Even she felt that she was being bad to people. But then she was happy that at least she was in peace now. Alone, vulnerable, weak, a mess, but there was peace in that loneliness. Was she happy? Not really. She was always at war with herself. There were always a million things in her head. And this made her a volcano wrapped in smiling paper.
And at times, this madness, this smile, this laughter, and this savage attitude, it all just tires up her soul. She feels drowned under the weight of her own boundaries. She does not let it out. So it all keeps building inside her. She has pushed away almost all people. Some deserved it. And with some, she was just too scared to come close. So it gets too lonely at times. She has no one to go to. She has no one to hug and cry. She has no one to go and say “I feel terribly weak. Please save me.” But outside, she still pretends to be that extra strong girl who does not need anyone. So when the mood swings continue, when the frustration keeps piling up, and when she gets ruder in her tongue with each day, she realises that she can break down into a million pieces, anytime now. And when she reaches that point, she shuts the door on everyone. She ignores everything and everyone, no calls, no texts, and no meetings. She just vanishes, to feel weak, to cry, and to heal. It’s like her soul needs a refueling. And after that break, she comes back, with the same happy smile. All good? Not at all. But good enough to fight again. That’s her story. She is fire. She is ashes. And then, she is fire again.

Featured

Life

Life….. How often we talk about it? How often do we accept it? Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it wild? Isn’t it somewhere to take you on a journey you never thought you’ll choose?

Questions and millions of questions in your mind…. Trying to figure out a way to live your life.

The biggest question is….Are we ready to accept it in a way it comes to us? I think we are not…. But who am I to say or judge? I’m just a believer…. A hope that comes and goes in waves…. And me trying to accept every aspect of life…. Sounds easy, right? But much difficult to do when it comes down to reality.

ख्वाहिश

ख्याल जिसका था ख्याल मे मिला मुझे,
ख्याल जिसका था ख्याल में मिला मुझे,
सवाल का जवाब भी सवाल में मिला मुझे।
एक ही हसरत है, बाँध ले हाथ पर और सीने पर सज़ा ले तुमको,
एक ही हसरत है, बाँध ले हाथ पर और सीने पर सज़ा ले तुमको,
जी मे आता है की ताबीज़ बना ले तुमको।
और फिर तुम्हे रोज सवारे,
और फिर तुम्हे रोज सवारे,
तुम्हे भड़ता देखे,
क्यों ना आंगन मे गुलाब सा लगा ले तुमको।
कभी खुशबू की तरह आँख के पर्दों मे रहो,
कभी ख्वाहिश की तरह दिल मे बुला ले तुमको,
और इस कदर टूट के तुम पर प्यार आता है,
और इस कदर टूट के तुम पर प्यार आता है,
की अपनी बाहों मे भरे और खुद मे मिला ले तुमको।

-सोनाली चौधरी

ज़िंदगी के लम्हे

ज़िंदगी से मेहरूम हुए थे वो कुछ हसीन लम्हे,
ज़िंदगी से मेहरूम हुए थे वो कुछ हसीन लम्हे,
छुए तोह नापाक होने का एहसास हुआ उनका।
उन होठो पे मुस्कुराहटो का शरबत लिए फिरते थे हम,
उन होठो पे मुस्कुराहटो का शरबत लिए फिरते थे हम,
जिस्म से रूह की तलाश मे उनके ही हर पल होते रहे हम।
वो कहते है नशा हमे बदल देगा,
वो कहते है नशा हमे बदल देगा,
हम कहते रहे की नशा आपका है जनाब, ऐसे नहीं उतरेगा।
साँसों मे घुलती है उनकी खामोशिया,
साँसों मे घुलती है उनकी खामोशिया,
हमे डर है, हमे डर है,
हमे ही हमसे ना छीन ले ये उनकी मदहोशियाँ।

-सोनाली चौधरी

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